Justin's Dream
Dreamt by Justin, written by Nicolle
We said we’d never talk to Sheila again. She was a crazy Kiwi and that’s all you really need to know.
Last week, I dreamed about forming a new band. When I woke up I thought to myself there was no way that would ever happen. Peisen and I haven’t seen Sheila in years. More importantly, we didn’t want to see her.
And yet, here we were, celebrating the formation of our new band, Case. Me, Peisen, and Sheila had just finished clinking our glasses of bubbles to seal the deal: To the new worldly divide: Those who know Case and those who don’t.
By the time I tossed my drink back, Peisen had already grown out his signature long rock and roll locks.
At our first band practice Sheila proposed a set of challenges to help us increase our feelings of fellowship. Peisen and I lukewarmly agreed, but only after exchanging some unsure glances. By the end of the week we had to eat a blueberry spidercrab sandwich (mortifying), spend a few minutes locked in the closet with her pet flying and stinging black beetles (scary), and eat her choice of New Zealand flora (can’t even think of a word to convey the anxiety this gave me).
Honestly, I was terrified of these challenges and totally rethinking the band thing. So I did what I always do when presented with chores I’m unwilling to do: I hid in The Bathroom.
This was not any old bathroom. This was a bathroom I knew no one would dare to look for me in. The walls were covered in something that’s a cross between green slime and black mold. The toilet was covered in a large trash bag…but there was “evidence” that people still tried to use it. The floor was slick, but also sticky? I don’t know, the place was always fucking disgusting. Perfect for hiding.
After a few days of hide-and-go-seek, Sheila must have tattled on me because my wife was calling my cellphone and leaving angry messages. I was about to pick up on her third call when I was transported to a front lawn. Glaring at me were Sheila, Maddy, Peisen, and a few other friends. There was a gorgeous sunset behind me, casting all of us in a golden glow. The heavenly colors were not enough to disguise the looks of disappointment and desperation on everyone’s faces. Peisen was literally tapping his foot in a way that reminded me of being scolded by my mother as a small child.
It was time for me to start the challenge.
Maddy guided me to a purple lawnchair off to the side of the lawn, Peisen covered my lap with a cloth napkin, and Sheila presented me with a small hummus tree. You know, the popular indoor houseplant with crunchy branches that taste exactly like hummus?
I like hummus as much as the next guy, but it was weird eating something with the texture of tree branches. Still midway through my first mouthful, I shot Sheila a pleading look. She reassured me with a delicate head nod.
I was taking my time eating the hummus tree, until I noticed a second lawn chair appear next to mine, with another man eating his own hummus tree. He was also struggling with finishing the tree, but I knew I had to finish before him or he’d get my spot in the band.
Against all odds, I shoveled those sticks and leaves into my mouth and managed to swallow and keep it all in. This small triumph gave me the smallest of confidence boosts.
I quit the band.
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